In general, people are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon. Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay.
첨삭받기전....
It is often said that people are living longer than before. There are various reasons that support this statement. In my personal experience, we are living better now that there has not been merciless war, since Korean civil war that deplete the source for living, and the development of transportation which has made the money of goods cheaper than before
Without war, we can eat regularly, we can live better. Is it possible to occur something like Korean civil war? I do not think so. This is because the Korean government has been associated with China since 1992, so North Korea could not invade into my country, South Korea. For this reason, I have not heard anybody to die, be injured due to the war. When my grand farther's generation experienced the Korean civil war, there were a lot of injured people, malnourished people, due in large part to a lack of foods and medicine that is basic items for living. As a result people died for hunger, and wound.
What's more with developing transportation system in Korea and in the world, people can eat foods as soon as they are getting hungry, they can buy cloths when winter comes, and they can take tablet when they feel hurt because the cost of transferring goods that is chearper than ever before. It results in reducing the price of goods. For example when I was a high school student, I was required to pay meal allowance less than that of 10years ago.
In conclusion, there in no questions that people are living longer now, because there is no huge war such as Korean civil war and the transportation system has been developed well. It results in selling cheaper goods for two reasons. I think due to the fact that these factors has strongly contributed to living better, so we are living longer now.
In general, people are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon. Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay.
It is often said that people are living longer than before. There are various reasons that support this statement. In my personal experience, we are living better now because(that) there has not been a merciless war, since Korean civil war that depleted the source for living.(, and) T(t)he development of transportation which has made the price(money) of goods cheaper than before
Without war, we can eat regularly,and ( we can) live better. Is it possible to occur something like Korean civil war? I do not think so. This is because the Korean government has been associated with China since 1992, so North Korea could not invade (into my country,) South Korea. For this reason, I have not heard anybody to die, be injured due to the war. When my grand farther's generation experienced the Korean civil war, there were a lot of injured people and malnourished people, due in large part to the(a) lack of foods and medicine that are(is) basic items for living. As a result, people died of(for) hunger(,) and serious injuries(wound.)
What's more with developing transportation system in Korea and in the world, people can eat foods as soon as they are getting hungry, they can buy cloths when winter comes, and they can take tablet when they feel hurt because the cost of transferring goods that is cheaper than ever before. It results in reducing the price of goods. For example when I was a high school student, I was required to pay meal allowance less than that of a decade( = 10years) ago.
In conclusion, there are(in) no questions that people are living longer now, because there is no (huge) war such as Korean civil war and the transportation system has been developed well. It results in selling cheaper goods (for two reasons). I think (due to the fact that) these factors are (has) strongly contributed to the overall living conditions of human beings. (living better, so we are living longer now.)
