Single but not alone; area churches offer ministries for singles of a certain age

By Kathy Martin/Special to The Commercial Appeal

Originally published 12:01 a.m., August 4, 2012 
Updated 12:06 a.m., August 4, 2012

Many churches offer programs and classes for married couples and young children, teenagers, young singles and seniors. However, older singles can sometimes get lost in the programming. They want and need a place to belong in the church.

Barbara Wells, 57, understands this predicament because she is single and has been seeking a church for many years. The Memphis resident and owner of Dixie Memorial Pet Gardens in Millington has visited many churches and hasn't found a place that feels like home for her. "There's a great void for people in the 40-to-60 age group who feel like the odd man out in the churches here."

She said that she often feels frustrated when she doesn't fit in. "Many of us are single or divorced and childless by chance, not choice. It's difficult to relate to conversations centered around weddings, baby showers, graduations and children's events. It isn't that we aren't happy for people who are blessed with those experiences. It's just sometimes painful to be reminded of our unfulfilled hopes and dreams." While she sat in the back row by herself in church many times, she said for now she watches the televised worship service of Second Presbyterian Church at home on Sunday mornings.

David Morris, membership and singles pastor of Hope Church in Cordova, has seen many changes in ministry to singles during the past 10 years.

"Over my years in the ministry, I have seen a strong emphasis on singles ministry in the church, but now it has shifted some, and many churches don't offer singles ministries any longer."

While he doesn't know exactly why this has happened, Morris believes that his job is to help all people who come to Hope to try and build a relationship with God and others. Facebook, a weekly e-newsletter about upcoming activities and prayer requests are vital tools of the ministry, he said, as is a team of volunteers.

He notes that demographics show thousands of singles live in the Cordova area and Sperling's Best Places ranks Memphis 11th in the nation for percentage of singles with 36.5 percent.

One of the largest churches in the Memphis area, Bellevue Baptist Church presents a variety of classes for different age groups called life groups. Several life groups target single adults ages 40 and older.

The hope, said minister of Adult 1 and 2 life groups Mike Crouch, is to engage individuals of every age and stage of their relationship with Jesus Christ. "We want to help them grow in their faith in ways that are appropriate to their needs."

He said Bellevue hopes to involve individuals in worship, small group ministry and a place of service in the body of Christ.

In addition to Sunday morning classes, the groups also offer regular times for lunch and special nights for games and movies so they can get to know one another better.

Crouch said just as Christ called men and women to a right relationship with God, Bellevue hopes to lead them to that same relationship today.

A life group teacher and deacon at Bellevue, Colin Richmond has been close to marriage a few times, but has remained single. He remembers the day about 10 years ago when his life finally made sense and he was able to find contentment in his singleness.

"A light bulb went off for me in my mind the day I realized I needed to grow and help others. I had to take my eyes off myself and turn from being so me-focused."

He decided that if he wanted to have a friend, he had to be a friend, and this led him to begin going on mission trips with young singles, and leading a life group class became a natural progression. His classmates not only attend class together, but they also frequently go out to dinner together, visit one another in the hospital and serve in ministry together.

"It isn't just about going to church," Richmond explained. "It's about getting involved in service and growing closer to Christ."

Donna Skaarer, a Memphis Realtor, has been divorced for many years and became involved in Hope Church about 20 years ago.

"I knew there had to be others out there like me who felt alone," she said.

She helped launch the singles ministry there with about 25 people, and now it includes almost 100 single people who attend classes on Sunday. Most of the singles are age 30 and above, with the majority in their 40s or 50s.

In addition to Sunday morning classes followed by lunch, Skaarer said that they also meet in smaller groups at other times during the week, gather for dinner at a restaurant about once a month and attend special events like a dance once a quarter.

They serve the needs of their group through prayer, helping with packing and moves to homes, mowing grass, cooking meals or giving someone a ride.

Within the church, they help by volunteering as greeters during services or at special events like graduations or vacation Bible school, both at Hope and for the urban community in North Memphis where the "Undefeated" movie was filmed. They collect money for backpacks and school supplies for Guthrie Elementary School, and one of the members takes dinner prepared by the church to the Manassas High School football team before every game.

In addition to her full-time job and volunteer work for Hope and the Ronald McDonald House, Skaarer also participates in STARS (Singles Together Achieving Results), a singles volunteer group that meets once a month for personal interaction and participation in volunteer work.

"It's a group where people get to know each other by having dinner together and helping do things for other people."