Lack of conversation skills bigger problem than SA
Futures : I've got to be the worst conversationalist ever. No matter who I speak to, I cannot keep the conversation going for more than a minute usually. Pretty much as soon as we get past the whole "introduction" talk that everyone uses in the beginning, that's it. I can never transition to actually having a real conversation with substance.
One-on-one, I don't even feel much anxiety. That usually doesn't come into play until I'm the center of attention in a group or speaking with authority figures or extremely attractive women.
As I sit here and think about the art of conversation, it seems easy enough. But when I'm actually out in the real world and I have to talk to someone, it's like everything goes out the window and my brain shuts down.
shy_chick : You might try: preparing things to talk about in advance watching people to see what they say checking you have positive body language/eye contact as you say it asking open questions then pick up on aspects of the answer e.g. someone mentions a hobby so you ask how they got into it, or how long they've been doing it for, or where trying it on as many people as possible (you could be picking shy people or people that don't want to talk for some reason) You can't necessarily talk for a long time to a stranger you might have to build longer conversations over time Talk to everyone you see even if it is a few words at the checkout
Beamonk : I'm quite the same as you. My sa is now manageable its just that all these years have left me with bad social skills. __________________ "An idle mind is the devil's workshop."
Want2Bconfident : Quote: Originally Posted by shy_chick You might try:~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~the checkout That's a good post. I think some people think and worry too much about this. The fact is that any two people who dont really know each other dont usually have much of a conversation. Its only if you become quite friendly with someone that you would start having conversations of any significant length and if you are quite friendly with someone you know a bit about them so you have some ideas of what they are interested in which you can chat about.
You dont have to lead the conversation. If they ask you a question or talk about something then you could ask them the same thing back or expand on what they say.
What traits do you look for in a conversation partner?
Tell about your favorite types of conversations to have?
What do you talk about?
How do you know the other person?
Who is the best conversationalist that you have ever met?
Why are they such a great conversationalist?
Have you ever had a great conversation with a complete stranger?
What made it so great?
What did you talk about?
Where were you?
What is your role in a conversation?
Do you dominate?
Do you subordinate?
What percent of a conversation do you spend talking?
Have you ever tried to consciously change your conversational style?
What did you change?
What are some good habits you have in conversation?
What are some bad traits you have in conversations?
Who communicates better: men or women?
What makes their style better?
What makes it worse?
Do you like to flirt?
How do you flirt?
What do you say?
On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate your conversational skill with the opposite sex? Explain.
How do conversations between men and women differ?
Do you like to argue?
What do you like to argue about?
Do you always want to be right?
What types of arguments do you hate to lose?
What topics should you avoid when talking to a stranger?
To a Swiss person?
To a Japanese?
To an American?
What topics are taboos for your culture?
What topics are taboo for you personally?
Why do people like to learn bad words in another language?
What do people do that drives you crazy in a conversation?
How do you feel about talking on the phone? Why?
Do you think that some conversations are easier to have on the phone?
What types of conversations, and why?
What are some topics that you can't stand to talk about? Why?
Do you have better conversations when you are drinking?
How do your conversations change after you have been drinking?
Have you ever said something to someone that you wish you hadn't said?
What was it? Explain.
If you could relive any conversation of your life, what would it be? Why? Explain.
How do you feel about being frank? Explain.
How do you feel about blunt people?
Is there such a thing as being too honest? Explain.
In your experience, which country's people are the easiest to talk to? Explain.
Which country's people are difficult to talk to? Explain.
If you could have the voice of any famous person, whose voice would you want? Why?
How do you feel about conversations with people older than yourself?
Are there any older people who you have conversations with regularly?
Who are they?
Some people like to talk about things, and some people like to do things.
What kind of person are you? Explain.
If you could have a conversation with any famous living person, who would you talk to?
What would you talk about?
Why would you want to talk about that? Explain.
If you could have a conversation with a famous deceased person, who would you talk to?
What would you talk about, and why?
Do you like to eavesdrop on other people's conversations?
What kind of questions do you like to overhear? Where do you listen?
Have you ever spied on anyone?
Have you ever recorded a phone call or conversation? Why?
Would you ever do it? Explain.
If you had to choose, would you rather marry a partner who is handsome/beautiful and sexy, but who is a terrible conversationalist, or a partner who is a wonderful conversationalist, but who is less-attractive-than-average? Explain.
What was a difficult conversation you had to have in your life?
How did it turn out?
What made it hard? Explain.
Would you like to be a salesman, a teacher, a reporter?
Would you like to have a career that requires you to talk to a lot of people? Why?
Which career?
How can you improve your conversation skills? Explain.
