Fifteen years ago, I was new in town and looking for a children's dentist, and chose the one named "Best of ..." in the local paper. When I brought in my then 6-year-old son, the dentist was the only one in the office—no other patients, hygienists, or a receptionist. The dentist suggested giving my child nitrous oxide since he'd had previous dental trauma and was terrified. He also said he didn't allow parents to accompany the kids during examination and treatment, as this caused kids to cry more. I'll bet you can see where this is going, but I had several other small children and was relieved I could just stay with them in the waiting room, so I agreed. When they came out, my son seemed confused and unhappy, the dentist was hyper in a weird and creepy way, and he said that my child had won his weekly special gift giveaway and gave him a surprisingly expensive toy. At this point I thought he fit the profile of a child molester and decided to never come back, but I didn’t have enough evidence to do anything. I wondered, How long until I read about him in the newspaper? Well, the day just came. In my local paper was an article about his arrest for possession and distribution of child pornography. My now 21-year-old son saw me reading the paper and asked if there was any news. I said, "Not really," and felt like a jerk. I'm used to being honest with my kids, but I don't think he remembers anything about the dentist. I suspect it might be better not to leave him wondering if he'd been molested or if there are photos of that floating around on the Internet. Do you think I should say anything to my son, or to the police?
—Feeling Sick
Dear Sick,
I suppose we’ll never stop reading about the guy who just loves to work with kids so much that he makes sure he gets plenty of time alone in the room with them. You included a link with your letter, and at the end of the article were numbers for the police and district attorney’s child abuse unit and a request that any parent with information give them a call. I think you should. Sure, you don’t have any evidence that the dentist molested your son. But as you know, his methods were not just unorthodox, they sound like the chapter in the molester’s handbook on creating a pediatric medical practice. Maybe many parents are now coming forward to tell about the doctor’s strange rules and behavior. But as the state builds a case it’s helpful for them to know his procedures and have lots of confirmation. I urge you to contact the D.A., and when you tell what happened ask them for advice in telling your son. Be prepared that they might ask if they can speak with your son to see if he does have any memories. But you really have a simple story for him: After that single visit you vowed never to return, and once you saw this sicko’s name in the paper you knew you had to inform the authorities. The article did mention that to date there’s no evidence the dentist molested his patients, so you can reassure your son with that. Although like plenty of other local mothers, part of you I’m sure will always wonder what exactly the doctor was doing once he shut the door on you and put the gas mask on your boy.
My friend "Michelle" lost her financial marketing job about a year ago. She has gone on a number of interviews over the last 12 months but nothing has ever come of them. Not too long ago I ran into her when she was on her way to another interview and she was wearing black Capri pants, a fuchsia blazer, and ballet flats. Now I don't work in finance but I have gone on my fair share of interviews and her outfit was clearly not appropriate, especially since finance is such a conservative industry. I'm worried that her appearance at these interviews is disqualifying her before she even opens her mouth. Is there a good way to approach this topic with her without offending her? To encourage her to get a new suit? Or should I simply stay quiet?
—A Concerned Friend
Dear Concerned,
You’re right that no matter what Michelle’s qualifications are, her outfit is announcing: “I’m most comfortable in a wingchair at Starbucks, nursing a vanilla spice Frappuccino and watching Real Housewives on my iPad.” You must speak up. Someone who’s going to be offended at crucial advice on snagging a job is not someone who’s really looking for a job, and certainly not someone cut out for the cutthroat world of finance. Just tell her straight what you told me. You can offer to “go shopping” in her closet with her and pull out appropriate outfits. Maybe with a trip to an upscale thrift shop she could update what she has with a new jacket or shoes. Sure when you’re broke and desperate, you aren’t focused on your wardrobe or spending money on it. But if she doesn’t project a look of success, no company is going to hire her to market theirs.
Q. Drinking Problem?: So, I am a junior in college, and I will say, I like to party and drink on the weekends. However, I am also maintaining a B+ average. I never drive after drinking, and hold down a part-time job in addition to doing my coursework. The problem is that because of one incident, two of my friends are insisting that I have a major problem with alcohol. Particularly, they have been nagging me ever since a party back in October that I need to stop drinking. At this party I drank from a punch bowl that had a much higher alcohol content than I expected, so I got a lot drunker than I am used to, and got rather sick. They helped me home, into the bathtub, and cleaned up some of the mess. I had to throw out my clothes, as I couldn't face trying to clean them. The thing is, I will admit it was an awful mess, and I owe them for helping me out, but that was a one-time thing. So, how do I get them to back off, before our friendship is ruined?
A: It could be that your friends are overzealous, or it could be that after hosing you off that time, and seeing you "party" too many times, they are on to something about your drinking. It probably is worth mentioning that if you are the normal age for a college junior, all of this has likely been illegal, but I will put that aside. What you do is say to your friends that you say you appreciate their concern and you did learn a serious lesson from the October debacle. But that you are quite sure your drinking is not interfering with your life—which is going very well—and their worry is misplaced. But I'm concerned that what you describe is regular binge drinking. If you're getting drunk every weekend, even if it is not usually to the point of soiling yourself, this level of drinking can lead to a lot of unpleasant consequences. Try socializing one weekend without alcohol. If you can't enjoy the party sober, that will tell you something.
